As seen on TV

So I've been catching up on my favorite shows, and have figured out what will make my life complete - a voice over track. Nothing flashy, just that voice that will calmly summarize everything so that I don't have to figure it out. You know, like this:

"As Katie screams at her mother that she is ruining her life, Susan realizes that the trauma of grounding her daughter for all eternity can be erased by a really great therapist, and will be covered by her daughter's insurance."

"While Will is throwing things at his brother, Susan realizes that all Will really needs is some alone time with his parents instead of losing all video game privileges for the next millennia."

Or even better -
"Susan realizes that her family yet again has low blood sugar, and that making homemade meals are overrated when pizza could have been on the table 30 minutes ago. And she shouldn't have even felt guilty about relying on takeout for the 4th night in a row, since she had a coupon."

Auditions start at 7 - bring your child psychology credentials. Marriage counseling experience helpful, but not required.