Ethel Merman has nothing on me.

Exercise is not your friend. Or at least, it's not mine. I had finally sucked it up and joined the swim team, only to realize that it is full of triathletes and high school kids waiting for their season to start. These are not people I'd usually associate with, given that I have the athletic prowess of a doorstop.

But anyway, I joined. And I had a tired weekend, driving to drop one of my children off with my parents, and immediately having houseguests - I was tired enough to take a 2h nap on Sunday, which for me is highly unusual. And I was still wading through my day on Monday, but I knew that exercise should make me feel better, and usually gives me that energy lift, so I'd give it a shot.

Exercise completely sucked last night, and today I feel worse than ever. It could have been the lack of sleep from the guests, or the late night read of Harry Potter, or the warm water they were pumping into the pool, but it totally sucked. And the worst part?

I was lapped by a woman who is 8 1/2 months pregnant.

Not just passed, like during the kicking drills by the kid wearing fins. Lapped. Hard core, blew by me, leaving a wake the size of the Titanic, lapped. By a pregnant woman who I could have sworn might just have a waterbirth at any second in the pool.

Now listen, I knew that I was out of shape, that I was lucky to be able to just keep up most nights. But getting lapped by a pregnant woman just is wrong, wrong, wrong. This is not an event to encourage the newly converted to come back to the pool, this is an event to send me running for the nearest couch. (Which I promptly did, after practice, comforted by my old friend, the Klondike Bar.)

This is the part of me that I don't really like all that much - the secretly competitive part. I can't just let this go, you see, I now have a countdown going to this woman's due date so that I can be safe in my lane. I just can't accept that these are no longer the summers where I could sit on a couch all winter and hop right back into the pool and be the fastest kid there.

But seriously, a pregnant woman?