"Mom! When I grow up, I want to be a street performer! You know, like those guys in the box? Look, Mom, I'm trapped!"
Later...
"Mom! When I get tall like Dad, I'm going to be a clown! Because you know, Mom, then I could put a banana peel on the floor? And trip over it when I walk? Because people will sure think that's funny, and I like to be funny."
What, exactly, are the odds of me having a 35 year old living in my basement? Do they go up if the 35 year old in question owns white face paint and a beret?
Friday
So I take it back.
Yes, two posts in one day, but this was worthy. To set the stage, our school retains 97% percent of their student body every year, and the majority of this 97% started in Pre-K. So lots of things are "understood."
So my glee about carpool? Was promptly thoroughly negated by the fact that not only did I have to do walk-in pickup today, in my sweats, but that I had to do it in front of the entire school, parents and all, because there was a seemingly unannounced PARADE for homecoming. With full tailgate regalia, I might add. And me the only mother that had NO idea it was coming. And seriously? No lipstick and a baseball hat, while the other mothers (all of them) had on cute sandals and full makeup.
I knew I had gotten a little cocky this morning, but I swear I had no idea the universe would work this quickly to knock me back down a peg or seven. Pride goes before a fall, that's for sure - especially at walk-in pickup.
So my glee about carpool? Was promptly thoroughly negated by the fact that not only did I have to do walk-in pickup today, in my sweats, but that I had to do it in front of the entire school, parents and all, because there was a seemingly unannounced PARADE for homecoming. With full tailgate regalia, I might add. And me the only mother that had NO idea it was coming. And seriously? No lipstick and a baseball hat, while the other mothers (all of them) had on cute sandals and full makeup.
I knew I had gotten a little cocky this morning, but I swear I had no idea the universe would work this quickly to knock me back down a peg or seven. Pride goes before a fall, that's for sure - especially at walk-in pickup.
Victorious At Last
I'm finding myself a bit blog-blocked this week - in a strange turn of events, I have nothing to talk about. No monogram mishaps, clumsy adventures, or child behavior issues. (Ok, I have issues, but I'm pretty sure we can all recite them by now. So let's move on. Because unless you have a new drink recipe to soothe my nerves, or a restraint for my chatty-in-class child that won't offend CPS, it won't help.)
But I am here to proclaim that I have won. My children? Got out of the car at the curb, and walked themselves into school. Victorious at last, people, I am back. Sport those pajamas and bedhead folks, because my children? Get dropped off at the curb.
(Did you hear me? The curb. Not at their classrooms, the most beautiful stretch of curb I have ever laid eyes on. I saw no one, and I am proud. )
Long live carpool.
But I am here to proclaim that I have won. My children? Got out of the car at the curb, and walked themselves into school. Victorious at last, people, I am back. Sport those pajamas and bedhead folks, because my children? Get dropped off at the curb.
(Did you hear me? The curb. Not at their classrooms, the most beautiful stretch of curb I have ever laid eyes on. I saw no one, and I am proud. )
Long live carpool.
Monday
What I mean to say is...
I had this long thought about how the children you're given sometimes can't possibly be yours, but I can't finish the thought. Fall is kicking my ass, y'all, and has taken my brain hostage.
I love Fall. Can't wait for Fall. Live, for Fall, even. But this year, it has run me ragged, leaving me hoping that if I get buried by the pile of leaves in my yard, it will leave me alone. What happened to all of that free time I was getting now that the kids are in school? It has evaporated with the high humidity, and I am buried in carpool lists and school assignments. The only sign of relief I've gotten is the one that relieves me of wearing a swimsuit in public - and I think the entire community needed that break, if you're asking.
But I love every minute of it. We're getting into the groove, picked up a soccer team for the boys, finally found riding lessons for K, and survived mini-cheerleading. I think we're all just relieved that I was not asked to demonstrate any moves for Kate - only my orthopedist would have been disappointed. (She had a blast, and I spent only a few minutes cringing at my own memories of failed attempts of coolness.)
So back to school is like New Year's for me, and thus the beginning of list-making. First on the list? Clean out this hovel of an office. Next on the list? Figure out what I should be doing in this free time instead of helping with homework. Got any ideas? I'm open to suggestion...
I love Fall. Can't wait for Fall. Live, for Fall, even. But this year, it has run me ragged, leaving me hoping that if I get buried by the pile of leaves in my yard, it will leave me alone. What happened to all of that free time I was getting now that the kids are in school? It has evaporated with the high humidity, and I am buried in carpool lists and school assignments. The only sign of relief I've gotten is the one that relieves me of wearing a swimsuit in public - and I think the entire community needed that break, if you're asking.
But I love every minute of it. We're getting into the groove, picked up a soccer team for the boys, finally found riding lessons for K, and survived mini-cheerleading. I think we're all just relieved that I was not asked to demonstrate any moves for Kate - only my orthopedist would have been disappointed. (She had a blast, and I spent only a few minutes cringing at my own memories of failed attempts of coolness.)
So back to school is like New Year's for me, and thus the beginning of list-making. First on the list? Clean out this hovel of an office. Next on the list? Figure out what I should be doing in this free time instead of helping with homework. Got any ideas? I'm open to suggestion...
Very Close to the End...
Nothing new to report here - a quiet weekend with out of town guests, and a quick ramp up to a busy week. So let's finish the alphabet.
V - Very unorganized, is Mayberry's soccer system - we got the same roster as another coach, so we're sorting through it. Apparently if it's not baseball, it's not important.
W - Way too many schedule conflicts, with both Carpool parents travelling this week. Unfortunately for us, we're not going at the same time.
X - The eXtreme negotiations our sons are putting us through to get their TV time back during the school week - holy cow, do I have some future politicians on my hands! (oh, and xylophone - is there a better "x" word?)
Y - The loud YAHOO you'll be hearing when I'm in a hotel room by myself this week - what more could a momma ask for, even when it's for work? I need some space, y'all.
Z - Zero - the amount of time I'll be having to blog this week since I'll be either a single parent or on the road. Have a great week!
V - Very unorganized, is Mayberry's soccer system - we got the same roster as another coach, so we're sorting through it. Apparently if it's not baseball, it's not important.
W - Way too many schedule conflicts, with both Carpool parents travelling this week. Unfortunately for us, we're not going at the same time.
X - The eXtreme negotiations our sons are putting us through to get their TV time back during the school week - holy cow, do I have some future politicians on my hands! (oh, and xylophone - is there a better "x" word?)
Y - The loud YAHOO you'll be hearing when I'm in a hotel room by myself this week - what more could a momma ask for, even when it's for work? I need some space, y'all.
Z - Zero - the amount of time I'll be having to blog this week since I'll be either a single parent or on the road. Have a great week!
Thursday
Unavoidable Delays
As a parent, I think I've become more superstitious. You don't dare say things like "Wow, they are playing so quietly" or heaven forbid, "He slept through the night last night" without expecting that the universe will rain down it's distaste at your need to show off.
So I had to wait to tell you. But quietly? We had a much better week, aside from one tiny temper issue that involved several children not knowing the rules of baseball, which apparently are much better understood while your friend is elbowing you in the stomach. But I digress.
The color of the week is, well, not red or yellow or blue, but I don't dare risk it for fear of the aforementioned universe raining. Several children, perhaps even mine, were, well, not terribly behaved this week. Perhaps even tolerably behaved, if you don't think I'm showing off by saying that sort of thing. And several other children, again, not mine, tried much harder and received pats on the head (literally, who still does that?) from their teacher.
The health issue? Resolved, although in my haste to catch up on doctor's appointments, I once again became a human pincushion at the dermatology office. Sunscreen, y'all, I beg of you. Often and everywhere, since apparently not even your toes are immune. (And no, I am not kidding. My pedicure is SO screwed up right now, I can't even tell you.)
The work projects? Still projecting, although there is an end in sight, thank heavens.
So this week wasn't terrible. It might even be slightly better than last week, although I'd hate to admit it and jinx us.
And U? Definitely not for unbelievable turnaround. No siree, not here. Next door, maybe. But definitely not here.
So I had to wait to tell you. But quietly? We had a much better week, aside from one tiny temper issue that involved several children not knowing the rules of baseball, which apparently are much better understood while your friend is elbowing you in the stomach. But I digress.
The color of the week is, well, not red or yellow or blue, but I don't dare risk it for fear of the aforementioned universe raining. Several children, perhaps even mine, were, well, not terribly behaved this week. Perhaps even tolerably behaved, if you don't think I'm showing off by saying that sort of thing. And several other children, again, not mine, tried much harder and received pats on the head (literally, who still does that?) from their teacher.
The health issue? Resolved, although in my haste to catch up on doctor's appointments, I once again became a human pincushion at the dermatology office. Sunscreen, y'all, I beg of you. Often and everywhere, since apparently not even your toes are immune. (And no, I am not kidding. My pedicure is SO screwed up right now, I can't even tell you.)
The work projects? Still projecting, although there is an end in sight, thank heavens.
So this week wasn't terrible. It might even be slightly better than last week, although I'd hate to admit it and jinx us.
And U? Definitely not for unbelievable turnaround. No siree, not here. Next door, maybe. But definitely not here.
Tuesday
T is for Trainwreck
Last week, I think it's safe to say, was a week of train wreck proportions. The gratitude list was non-existent, tears were shed, phone calls were made, children were threatened, and Casa Carpool was not a happy place. I am almost embarrassed to say that it was potentially the worst second week of school ever. Ever.
Let's recap, shall we?
Monday - Failed to sign child's agenda in correct place. Gentle slapdown from teacher, since surely I should be getting with the program by now. Child does not receive credit due to parental error.
Tuesday - The hitting incident of 2007. Calls received from different school parties scare crap out of parents. The yet undisclosed Bead Incident, requiring new & surgical uses for the smallest crochet hook in my bag.
Wednesday - Visit to the principal's office for the Hitter, along with much wailing and gnashing of teeth while writing the apology letter. Drinking begins in earnest.
Thursday - Eye doctor visit for Kate almost ends with child beatdown during the exam. Fortunately for all involved, I have perfected my "under the breath" scolding and stealth death grip, so social services was not called. It is perhaps karmic justice that when I put my own glasses on, they break in half, not even to be salvaged by nerd tape. To further the day, the other boy causes a call to poison control as he "helps" me by taking 3x the amount of antibiotics he is prescribed. Child-proof cap, my arse.
Friday - More visible beat down by teacher as I discover that not only has the other boy not been a model student, he has been spectacularly un-model, and has caused his very strict teacher some serious heartburn. More drinking ensues, along with wailing and gnashing of teeth as parents discuss their military school options.
Add in a small health crisis (mine), more newspaper coverage than my poor husband can stand, and some extended family drama, and we were so ready for a three day weekend. I have never seen a perfect storm quite like this - only Kate came out unscathed, and even she had a brief brush with the lunch money police. It's remarkable how our entire day turns on what behavior color our children have earned - if they're green, I can call my husband and tell him. If they are at the bottom of the scale, I avoid his calls so that he can get through the rest of the workday.
But this week, this week will be better. We've adopted a new "no yelling" policy that should help everyone (and give you an indication of just how much yelling occurred). The heat has started to break, and things are settling in. Soccer starts soon to burn off some of that frustration, and I've restocked the liquor cabinet just in case.
Our motto for this week? "Just don't leave a visible mark."
And yes, I know that there are letters between M & T - believe me when I tell you that right now, the things I can think of for them are well worth skipping. Sample entries include Nausea, Oh my he IS the worst behaved child ever, Public School : The threats our parents make, Removal of foreign objects from the nose, and Sucky behavior modification tactics. Hopefully "U" will be "Unbelievable turnaround", but I'm not betting on it.
Let's recap, shall we?
Monday - Failed to sign child's agenda in correct place. Gentle slapdown from teacher, since surely I should be getting with the program by now. Child does not receive credit due to parental error.
Tuesday - The hitting incident of 2007. Calls received from different school parties scare crap out of parents. The yet undisclosed Bead Incident, requiring new & surgical uses for the smallest crochet hook in my bag.
Wednesday - Visit to the principal's office for the Hitter, along with much wailing and gnashing of teeth while writing the apology letter. Drinking begins in earnest.
Thursday - Eye doctor visit for Kate almost ends with child beatdown during the exam. Fortunately for all involved, I have perfected my "under the breath" scolding and stealth death grip, so social services was not called. It is perhaps karmic justice that when I put my own glasses on, they break in half, not even to be salvaged by nerd tape. To further the day, the other boy causes a call to poison control as he "helps" me by taking 3x the amount of antibiotics he is prescribed. Child-proof cap, my arse.
Friday - More visible beat down by teacher as I discover that not only has the other boy not been a model student, he has been spectacularly un-model, and has caused his very strict teacher some serious heartburn. More drinking ensues, along with wailing and gnashing of teeth as parents discuss their military school options.
Add in a small health crisis (mine), more newspaper coverage than my poor husband can stand, and some extended family drama, and we were so ready for a three day weekend. I have never seen a perfect storm quite like this - only Kate came out unscathed, and even she had a brief brush with the lunch money police. It's remarkable how our entire day turns on what behavior color our children have earned - if they're green, I can call my husband and tell him. If they are at the bottom of the scale, I avoid his calls so that he can get through the rest of the workday.
But this week, this week will be better. We've adopted a new "no yelling" policy that should help everyone (and give you an indication of just how much yelling occurred). The heat has started to break, and things are settling in. Soccer starts soon to burn off some of that frustration, and I've restocked the liquor cabinet just in case.
Our motto for this week? "Just don't leave a visible mark."
And yes, I know that there are letters between M & T - believe me when I tell you that right now, the things I can think of for them are well worth skipping. Sample entries include Nausea, Oh my he IS the worst behaved child ever, Public School : The threats our parents make, Removal of foreign objects from the nose, and Sucky behavior modification tactics. Hopefully "U" will be "Unbelievable turnaround", but I'm not betting on it.
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